Bad Mom Alert...Late Update!

My precious baby boy turned 7 months old on February 26th! I plan on backdating an entry to make up for missing it.  I know I've been rather "tardy" about my update, but let's face it... I've been busy and I've also been fighting a serious bought of the nasty hormonal depression (hd).  I am hoping that the worst is behind me, because if what I went through and put my husband through this weekend was not the worst then I may not make it.

When I was pregnant the first time with my son I was also a hormonal mess. I am not sure if it is because with IF we have to take hormones or if a natural pregnancy would have rendered the same results of hysteria.  It has been pretty dark, today however is better and yesterday was much better as well.  I am thinking that at this point I'm pulling out of it, perhaps it was a progesterone haze I was in.

I had even strongly curtailed my Twitter activity during that time and probably strained some relationships in the process.  However, it is hard to explain to my audience (mostly infertiles) that I am suffering from depression WHILE pregnant.  Pregnancy is coveted by those who struggle to achieve it and I did not feel it was fair to whine and complain about my depression when I have something many of my twitter followers would kill for, so instead I did nothing and said virtually nothing.

Adventures in the outdoors...I married a manly man

So this post is going to be about my glorious husband, whom I love with all of my being...that said I do not always understand him or his ways, but I am most times amused by them.

Back story, we moved into our new house a year ago from a little place called Carrollton, Texas. In Carrollton we had a typical starter home..one story..ranch style. The home was no frills, but did us a wonderful service for 10 years and we still rent it to this day and have not sold it.  It was in our old house that my husband found his true talent for trapping animals that were infiltrating our yard.  About every three days for a week or so we'd have some random and unassuming opposum who scampered through our yard meet its ultimate fate when my husband caught it.  Oh, I failed to mention my husband is not much for hurting anything, he's sweet to the core...so the ultimate fate that I speak of was basically relocated to a better area where it could live happily ever after!

This was the norm until we were infiltrated by a racoon family.  Yes, I said family.  We had left food out on the back porch (enclosed fence, mind you).  The racoon family (Mommy + 2 or 3 babies) decided to scale the fence and get some yumminess much to the dismay of my blind and deaf beagle.  Now my fifteen year old beagle while blind and deaf can still smell like a young hound dog so she knew the racoons were in the backyard, and basically treed them!  That was until the mama racoon jumped on her back.  By the end of the very exciting early morning we had one racoon that had escaped into the house and wedged itself into the bookcase while the others scampered away up the tree and out of our backyard. 

The racoon that got caught in the house was a baby, my husband gently ousted him with a broomstick and sent him off to safety to frolic with his brethren.  Then we met big daddy who my husband called Ralphie a few weeks later. He was pilfering water out of the boat we had parked out back.  The hobiecat had the wings off and water had collected in the holes and Ralphie would put his paw in and drink water from it.  He was neat to watch. My husband gave him some cat food (um encourage much?) and so he would return and rest on the trampoline of the boat and eat cat food and drink..that was until one day when I came out to see Ralphie and he decided to amble after me and hiss at my husband. I guess Ralphie wanted to date me. Well, feeling that I was being theatened my husband defended me by getting a baseball bat and chasing Ralphie away.  Again, no harm ever came to Ralphie at least not by our doing.  One day they all just left and we never saw them again, but the neighbors at the old place said they had racoons in their attic and had called some pest service that supposedly uses air guns... I really have no idea what became of the and probably don't want to know.


Fast forward to a year later we moved into this new house last February. We moved to a newer area that was more "countrified" and a much bigger two-story house with the hopes of becoming a bigger family and having kids (despite IF-thank goodness this has worked, I would have been one lonely and sad individual in this cavernous house without a child).  My husband was hellbent on having the house face North/South so our house backs up to the woods.  Now, when I say woods, it's only woods for now as some farmer owns it and it is sure to be sold and turned into retail at some point in the future.  I do hope it stays this way for a while though because the woodiness makes me happy!

However, with the woods comes the critters! So far in the year that we have resided her we have caught 2 opposums and 1 skunk. Well, my husband has caught the in his live catch trap.  I had nothing to do with it expect coming out to see how cute they were and putting pictures on my facebook!  We had a lull of about 4 months, but now we have a critter in the backyard.  My husband set up the live catch trap three times now but the little bugger has opened it got into it and gotten out of it. Crafty little dude and strong too! My husband thought that the critter, whatever it might be even broke the trap at one point.  Now the Hubs is on a mission to catch whatever it is. I have my money on a racoon as we have never caught one, they have hands like humans and they are pretty strong and definitely smart.  So now he's designing a better way to catch whatever it is...let the games begin (again!)  You would think the cat would do something about these critters...

Alas, I leave you with some raccoon humor.

Fat Tuesday & TV Updates

I would talk about parenting today, but if I am honest I have not liked being  a Mommy today and I feel that it is blasphemy for me to feel anything other than delighted with being a parent being that I struggled with and still struggle with inferility.  This is the catch 22 of being a parent after infertility.  No matter what you do, not all days are going to be great days...no matter how much you hope and pray that they are.  I'll keep his section short today and say only that...the child that I am carrying will be the last that I carry.  I hope and pray that I make it to delivery, but I am a miserable bitch of a pregnant woman...and that's all I've got for today on that topic.

Today is Fat Tuesday! I'm not Catholic nor am I a coonass, but I do still like to overeat so Fat Tuesday applies to me, today is a day of indulgance and tomorrow I'll is the day of promise where I will fool myself into thinking that I can give up on carbs or cokes or whatever I decide to give up this particular year.  It is probably not wise to think that I can do anything being pregnant because at this point I am totally eating for comfort. I am also eating because it is the only thing I can control right now.  Let's face it there is not way to control anything a 6.5mo old does...I feel as if I am completely out of control in all facets of my life currently.  Bad day anyone?

TV Update time!

Monday night TV was pretty good there were three shows in particular that I was interested in ...those being

1. The Bachelor
2. The Voice
3. Smash

I'm going to start with The Voice because it simply does not require a lot of review at this point.  The show was decent, there is was not one singer that I truly remember from last night, but the talent that was selected was decent.  Also all of the teams appear to be full or nearly full at this point. Ceelo pushes his button for almost everything and everyone which means he has a lot of fat to trim when the time comes and the banter between the judges was entertaining as always.  I look forward to the next two weeks on this show and of all the music shows I currently watch, which is all three of the big ones AI, Xfactor included) The Voice is among my favorite.

The Bachelor...oh Ben, Ben, Ben..some girls may be made at you and some fans of the show may hate you for cutting Kasie B loose last night.  I on the other hand, think you do did something very admirable and that you honored her father's wishes which was very kind and sweet of you.  You were told in a conversation with Kasie's father that if you were not going to choose Kasie and were not sure about her that you should let her go and that is exactly what you did.  I have to say that it looked as if your heart broke a little when you cut her loose too and for that I think you are exactly the type of man that I thought you were from the start.  A man of integrity.  However, I still hold that you need to dump Courtney and get a haircut and or a stylist.....your look needs some assistance.  Your best bet, if you are reading this or if anyone else is reading this that can help you is Lindzi at this point. Nikki is also sweet, and a Texas girl like myself, but she will not be the long term happiness you seem to desire and Courtney is a chilly bitch at best and I think she might suffer from a personality disorder based on the fact that she is distant even with her own family.


On to Smash..first of all the name of this show gets me because I am a huge Big Brother fan and I believe that Lane referred to "smashing" as taking a shit, so for me this is definitely cause for a chuckle when I hear the name.  As for the show itself, it is enjoyable complete with characters you want to throttle-which makes for great TV.  I despise Ellis and his fresh face and perfect smile.  While I have yet to figure out his true motives he is a sneaky biotch and needs to be choked within an inch of his life.  I do not know why he hates Julia so much but for whatever reason he wants to bury her and I am pretty sure it will be his undoing in the end.  Karen continues to be a sweet and likable character and I have grown to have some compassion for Ivy as well.  She seems to now be wondering if she got the part because she slept with the director and I believe that is part of the reason, she can sing but....I am sure it did not hurt her case any.  This week proved to be extra dramatic as a new character came into the show who has been cast as Joe DiMaggio and it turns out...(hold your breathe) he had an affair with Julia in the past and they appear to be thinking about doing the mattress mambo again in the near future and....drum roll please..Ellis the rat overheard Julia telling Tom!  Oh the drama! Queue the excitement for next week.  I look forward to seeing how this unfolds.

Moms Groups & Meet Ups

Well, it isn't raining here in Texas, but it sure is a Monday.  I had a bit of a meltdown this weekend at the mall. I guess I simply do not get out enough anymore, but it is hard with a baby.  At any rate, let's just say crowds don't appear to be my thing at the moment. I felt like everyone was looking at me and it was very odd.  Maybe I am developing Agoraphobia.   I am going to try to join a Mom's group or something to get out of the house in an organized fashion and on a regular basis. I can't just sit here in this house, as lovely as it is, and while away the hours with the dogs and the baby...it is not mentally healthy, physically either, but there doesn't seem to be very much I can do about that at the moment based on the fact that I am pregnant.

So as for the Moms group thing there are about a zillion to choose from online with this website called Meetup.  It is hard to know which one to choose and which one is right for me.  I have one baby, but he's only 6 1/2 mo old and can't really play or do anything of that nature, and I'm pregnant so drinking and after hours activities are out of the picture too (yes, some moms groups do that!).  Additionally, I am old, okay older. I'm not that old based on the fact that I watched a show called 70 and pregnant which I felt was appalling and honestly, deserves its own blog post. 

So my choices thus far seem to be the 40s and fabulous group where you can be close to forty (38 applies I am sure), the Moms group in my particular area, or one of the variety of SAHM groups.  I suppose I should at least try one or two of them, even though you have to pay dues to belong.  If it doesn't work out I will have only lost about $10 a pop and if it does work out then I will have something to do to get my mind of of the fact that I gave up my career and do not feel as if I am contributing to society anymore.

Now, before you anyone leaves me nasty ass comments about how being a Mom is the most important job on Earth...yes, I agree with you and it's also one of the most challenging and...well...lonely jobs out there as well.  I do not for a minute regret leaving the teaching field to become a mommy and raise my child properly, I do however need something for me in addition to raising the munchkin.

Thankful Thursday

It's sad that we have only one day a year dedicated to thanksgiving, so I decided that I would dedicate this short post to what I am thankful for ...think of it as Thanksgiving in February!

Today and every day I am thankful for the following:

• my family, both the one I was born into and the one that I married into and then created with my husband.
• my pets
• my beautiful new house which we just celebrated being in a year!
• reliable transportation
• health insurance
• the new life growing inside my womb
• support systems- friends & neighbors
• warm sudsy bubble baths
• rockabyes in the middle of the night
• music
• good books
• sunshine

Oh Happy Day!

This Valentine's day needs to go on record as being the best to date!  I was showered with gifts, too many really...but my husband was making up for anniversaries and birthdays...it's been a wild ride since last July when we had our baby.  Still it was way too much and I am way too spoiled, but I am not in any way complaining!

My hubby got me some beautiful jewelery charm beads for my bracelet, a necklace, earrings, flowers, and chocolate!  We got takeout Maggianos and oh my Heaven was it good!   I am always pleased with their food though, we have our favorites and the Rigatoni D never disappoints!

So now the update that everyone is waiting for...everyone would be all of my ZERO readers!  The sonogram showed one perfect heartbeat hammering away at 136 bpm (beats per minute) we are relieved and pleased!  My RE came into the room and shared with me, after two pregnancies that I am in fact the highest FSH and lowest AMH combination that he has ever had success with in terms of pregnancy with their own eggs via IVF..  Now, please realize that my doctor is no newbie this man has been in the field of reproduction for twenty-five years! He said I am incredibly blessed and God must want me to have babies because statistically this should not be happening.  He was beyond words and we have defied Science not once, but twice.  I will not feel completely out of the woods until our second little miracle is here, but hearing the heartbeat and seeing that sweet little flicker was a very good sign!  I will not be announcing to the family until after the first trimester, so just my sister and her best friend who both prayed for me know...and approximately 375 followers on Twitter.

 I feel so blessed, there are no words so I will leave this entry with a picture instead because as they say...pictures are worth a thousand words!

Sorry about the quality of the picture, it's a picture of a picture because that is the best I could do on such short notice. While I do have a scanner...I chose the path of least resistance!

Thank you Lord

Happy Valentine's Day

Well today I celebrate my first Valentine's day as a Mommy! I am super excited and loving it so far.  My funny little valentine is in his Einstein bouncer (pooping I think-TMI I know!) and I am patiently waiting for him to get tired enough to take a nap so I can get a few more loads of laundry done..so glamours I know!

Later today, in about 4 hours I will be in the stirrups seeing if all is well with what I hope to be baby number two.  I am excited and that's about it....I am more at peace than I have been in a long time with this whole situation.  It's hard when you worry constantly about whether or not you'll be able to have kids, then you worry  if you'll be able to have more.  Well, regardless of the outcome of this appointment I have shocked Science not once, but twice and I am proud and give all the glory to God for these two events. 

I have been so pent up with anticipation and worry that I have eaten half the house over the past two weeks, that can finally end today as I find out once and for all if all is well.  I an really hoping to hear a heart beat and see that little flicker today on the screen.  However, I barely know what I'm looking at when I look upon the fuzzy screen!  At any rate we will soon find out what's going on in my uterus and I am thrilled to move onto the next step.


My husband is the best flippin' valentine anyone could ever ask for! He is so thoughtful; he had flowers delivered with the sweetest card and got me Godiva chocolates and something special from Brighton that I have not opened yet! I feel so blessed.  Don't go thinking I'm callous I got him a video game that he wasn't expecting and gave it to him a weeks ago, so he could play it on the weekend. I got him Red Dead Redemption and he is loving it!

On the menu for tonight is Maggiano's take out which I cannot wait for because their rigatoni D is to die for!

I'll update later.