Yep! That's a worry-wart and my body would be breaking out with a million of these fictitious critters if it they were real. My goodness I am consumed with worry. I haven't done any housework, don't want to cook, and am having a hard time doing just about anything during this dreaded two week wait.
I have a cup of urine sitting on the counter in the bathroom and pregnancy tests in a drawer and I'm just not convinced I can do it. I'm too nervous about the possible negative results and the impact they will have on me. That's the thing about infertility...it doesn't matter if you have "beaten" it once, you always feel like it was some fluke and are conditioned by your RE office to think that. So with each new cycle the worry crops up again and the self-defeat and doubt seeps in through the very crevices of one's being. It is such bullshit!
Tomorrow it ends anyway....my beta is tomorrow. So, by the close of business (some time before 6pm) I'll know the results of the pregnancy test and decide to move on to the next cycle, rest, or quit all together. I cannot imagine quitting, but sometimes I feel like it would have been so much easier to just throw in the towel and call it quits after one miracle. How easy would that be? Too easy is the answer and not something that I long to do. Not something I will do. I need to and want to have another child. I want to give my young son a sibling, but if now is not the time then there is nothing I can do about that just as there is nothing I can do to control the results of the pregnancy test.
So, let's have a look at what's been going on and see if we can figure out what the results of the test will be based on my "symptoms".
1) No period, no bleeding whatsoever implantation or otherwise and not even a trace when a Q-tip is inserted.
2) No breast tenderness
3) My nipples may be darker, but I could be imagining things
4) Had dizziness which has since gone away
5) My sense of smell has not heightened like it did last time
6) No diarrhea which I do usually experience when Aunt Flo is on the way
7) Tiredness is not really an issue, but I have been going to bed early
8) I am as mean as cat shit (as my Mom used to say-I have no idea what that saying means) but I have been vile! I was like this last time I was pregnant.
9) Heightened anxiety, beyond any level I would have imagined.
So.....none of those symptoms seem very period-like or pregnancy-like. I guess there's still a 50/50 shot that I have embryos aboard please. I pray that I do that I can complete my family and be done with all of this.
I have a cup of urine sitting on the counter in the bathroom and pregnancy tests in a drawer and I'm just not convinced I can do it. I'm too nervous about the possible negative results and the impact they will have on me. That's the thing about infertility...it doesn't matter if you have "beaten" it once, you always feel like it was some fluke and are conditioned by your RE office to think that. So with each new cycle the worry crops up again and the self-defeat and doubt seeps in through the very crevices of one's being. It is such bullshit!
Tomorrow it ends anyway....my beta is tomorrow. So, by the close of business (some time before 6pm) I'll know the results of the pregnancy test and decide to move on to the next cycle, rest, or quit all together. I cannot imagine quitting, but sometimes I feel like it would have been so much easier to just throw in the towel and call it quits after one miracle. How easy would that be? Too easy is the answer and not something that I long to do. Not something I will do. I need to and want to have another child. I want to give my young son a sibling, but if now is not the time then there is nothing I can do about that just as there is nothing I can do to control the results of the pregnancy test.
So, let's have a look at what's been going on and see if we can figure out what the results of the test will be based on my "symptoms".
1) No period, no bleeding whatsoever implantation or otherwise and not even a trace when a Q-tip is inserted.
2) No breast tenderness
3) My nipples may be darker, but I could be imagining things
4) Had dizziness which has since gone away
5) My sense of smell has not heightened like it did last time
6) No diarrhea which I do usually experience when Aunt Flo is on the way
7) Tiredness is not really an issue, but I have been going to bed early
8) I am as mean as cat shit (as my Mom used to say-I have no idea what that saying means) but I have been vile! I was like this last time I was pregnant.
9) Heightened anxiety, beyond any level I would have imagined.
So.....none of those symptoms seem very period-like or pregnancy-like. I guess there's still a 50/50 shot that I have embryos aboard please. I pray that I do that I can complete my family and be done with all of this.
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