No Surge

The RE clinic had me come in today to have a little heart-to-heart with the vagcam and see what was going on with my ovaries. Well, all is quiet on the Western Front as they say. There was no activity. It does not look like I missed a surge and it does not look as if I am going to surge either.

Apparently, this month I am not ovulating. I do not know why and neither does the RE or the nurse, but this month is not my month. I am not sure what all this actually means, but the nurse pretty much told that this is to be expected from someone who has the egg quality and reserve issues that I have with my dinosaur eggs.

I am pretty depressed about the whole situation because I keep wanting to think that the RE was wrong and he keeps proving himself right. As if thirty plus years in the biz makes him the authority! All kidding aside, I love my RE he is fantastic. He is humorous and caring and not so preoccupied with his statistics because he has had so much success in his career. I will not be taking my insurance money anywhere else, but I am growing concerned about how much money I have left and if it is worth it to pursue a sibling for wonderboy with my own eggs.

The hubster has been 100% supportive of me, as always, and says "do you want to put a limit on it? Four cycles and then we go to donor eggs?" He's so optimistic! As if we can get to retrieval four times. Hell, I cannot even make it the second time...yet. I am trying to be positive, but it is difficult given the hand of cards I have been dealt.

I am not so much worried that I will give up for fail, but that my Dr. will give up. Roadblocks I can handle, detours I am okay with, the highway being shut down completely is another story all together.

Is it possible that I will will have to resort to donor eggs? That I will have a child that is biologically mine 100% but genetically not have enough alleles to count as my child. That I could give birth to a child who shares no DNA with me yet grows in my womb? That is heavy stuff. I am prepared for anything, but I do want to pursue at least one more retrieval with my eggs if I can make it.

However, the absence of a cycle and a missed period this time definitely points to the fact that my ovarian reserve is low and my hormones are cranked up as high as possible to try and make my cycle happen. This month they failed to do so. The problem is I cannot try the new protocol that is supposed to help unless there is a surge.