I'm a basketcase....

 

I am going nucking futs this cycle! As the beta draws nearer (Friday) and I sit here pregnancy symptom free I feel like I am slowly losing my mind. I am trying to remain positive, but it is really damn hard. I feel unworthy of having another child. I feel like I had my chance to have a miracle and it is a one to a customer kind of world.


I should have quit my job immediately after finding out I was pregnant..at least that way I could have enjoyed my pregnancy and not been so afraid. I was in fear of losing my job, losing the baby, and losing control of the situation. It caused me a lot of stress. It caused me to not enjoy the pregnancy and now that I have this wonderful miracle who is trying to learn how to crawl at just shy of 6 months of age I feel as if I am missing out once again because I am trying to hurry up and get pregnant again while I still can. Time is of the essence and I am almost out, if I want to use my own eggs...it makes me so nervous...it makes me a basketcase.


Embies? If you are still there...could you give Mama a sign?