My back hurts & My mood could use some help too

My back is killing me, but it is more like my entire pelvic girdle hurts.  This very same thing happened with my last pregnancy.  However, it did not happen until later in the pregnancy or at least that is the way I recall it.  The pain comes and goes and just sucks.  I had gotten better and then yesterday I started cleaning the house and then last night I realized that I had re-injured myself or caused the problem to flare up again. 

It is nearly impossible to get in and out of bed and especially hard to try and lift my almost twenty pound baby out of his crib and put him back in it at night.  I am managing but it is certainly not easy.  I am doing it ad I am making it work, but when I feel weak and feel like I just cannot do it I feel intense guilt.  I think that is how infertility goes though, it just makes you feel as if you cannot have a bad mothering day because you feel as if it is such a gift that you got to be a Mom in the first place.

My back usually does not hurt this bad for no reason.  In general, I get this kind of pain after going to ob/gyn or RE sometimes because the stirrups mess with my back alignment.  That is not the case this time, this time it had to have been brought on by the stooping and cleaning.

As you night imagine I am in a pretty lousy mood based on the back pain and the fact that all I can do is take Tylenol which honestly does not work as well as other pain meds in my estimation.  I will, however, do whatever I have to do to keep my unborn baby healthy.  Therefore, I will just continue to take the Tylenol and nothing else.  I even found some back cream that is made by Tylenol.  Just a short note to people who may be as daft as yours truly...don't think you can soak in the tub and then immediately upon getting out of the warm water apply the mentholated Tylenol cream to your back because it BURNS like the devil.  I made this mistake and will not do it again. It hurt terribly!  I had to jump in the shower to stop the burning.


Based on all that information it is probably no surprise that I have not been in the "chipperest" of moods.  In any case I have been sitting pretty still today just trying to take it as easy as possible watch some TV and keep B as entertained as possible without injuring myself worse.  This basically ended up being a day and afternoon of catching up on the DVR re-watching American Horror Story (while baby was napping) and catching up on Twitter which has become a slight bone of contention as of late.

I really adore the support that I receive and that I can provide others in our community.  Most of those on my feeds are infertile in some form or fashion who are trying for their first child, or attempting to extend their family and going through treatments again, or pursing adoption.  I do have a few who have chosen child free lives, but that was almost out of necessity it would appear.

Today on the feeds it has been rough because some people are feeling sad/bitter because they are unable to get their one child (waiting X amount of years) while some of us (myself included) are on number two or working on number two.  While I feel badly for those who struggle--I struggle too. I am just as infertile and having trouble building my family.  I have no idea how I have been able to defy the odds twice, but I hope and pray that I will continue to be able to do so.  I still worry terribly about losing the baby or having something beyond my control happen.  It is a possibility.  So as for the bitterness everyone has the right to speak their mind, but if you have a problem with people who have two children then unfollow us and keep your bitter tongue to yourself.  I mean it makes me feel guilty for being able to get pregnant...really? Shouldn't the Duggars feel guilty then...like really guilty!